With the rise of the media in the past few years, there’s been an increase of pressure on young Muslim girls to date. As someone who went to high school and university in the West, I know that pressure very well.
You might have non-Muslim friends who are dating or even Muslim friends who are dating. You might be surrounded by guys, guys who seem interested in getting to know you one-on-one, guys who seem very friendly, guys who seem like they would be the most wonderful boyfriend. You might just want to join your group of friends when they go out and hang out with their boyfriends. Or you might just be sick of being the third wheel. Or you might want to try and see what it’s like. Or you’re ready to get married and think that this is the best way to go about it. Or you might think that having a ‘halal boyfriend’ is no problem.
There’s many reasons that Muslim girls feel pressured to start dating. You might have your own. And I know how hard it might be to resist. But I’m here to tell you to have patience.
Yes, it’s easier said than done. I know all about that feeling of being lonely and wanting someone to share your life with. But I also know that God rewards those for abstaining from those things He has made unlawful. And one of the things He has made unlawful is relations before marriage.
If you’re still in school and marriage seems a long way away, it might be hard to wait for an imaginary someone, especially if you have a very real boy in your present. But again: have patience.
You might engage in a relationship and claim that you will marry this boy, and call him your ‘halal boyfriend’ since you set up very strict parameters about what you can and cannot do. You might have the best of intentions. But you have no guarantee that this boy will end up your husband nor do you know what God has planned for you.
In the Quran, Allah has told us in Surah Ar-Rum (30), Ayah 21 that “He created for you mates from among yourselves” (Yusuf Ali translation). What could be more wonderful that being told by the Creator that He has created someone for you, that He has already thought of you and provided for you? So have patience.
In the meantime, focus on other things. Join a club. Read some books. Hang out with friends. Start a hobby. Spend time with your family. Study the Quran. Pray.
Distance yourself from the people that pressure you to do something you don’t want to.
Having a relationship isn’t everything. Focus on the things that make you happy, and inshAllah God will take care of the rest.
For those of you who are going through this, may Allah make things easier for you. Hope you found this useful!
Keep smiling, beautiful girls!