Welcome to a new series on The Muslim Girl! Over the next few weeks I’ll be doing a series of posts on marriage and getting married. Today’s topic is all about finding someone to marry.
So you’ve decided that you’re ready for marriage. Congrats!
You might think that now that you’re ready to get married, Prince Charming will just chance upon your door and sweep you away. But as I talked about in my post on arranged marriage, that’s not exactly how it works.
Marriage has been recommended to us, and is a Sunnah of the Prophet. It is also known as half our deen which should say something about the importance of it. There’s many benefits to it, and so wanting to get married is very natural. But sometimes it’s not very easy.
Are you ready?
Before letting the world know that you’re ready to get married, you first need to check in with yourself. Are you ready for marriage? Despite what popular movies and books show us, marriage isn’t a fairytale; it’s a relationship that requires work and commitment, and so you need to be ready for that. Are you ready for the responsibility? Are you financially stable? Do you know your rights and responsibilities?
It might sound silly, but research. Read a little about Islamic rights and responsibilities of a husband and wife. There are many wonderful books out there on the topic and it’s important to know what is required of you before you take this step and enter a new relationship.
Let your parents know
This is a very important step, regardless of whether you decide to ask your parents to find someone for you or whether you want to find someone yourself. Parents play a vital role in our lives, and so it’s important to let them know of this huge step you plan on taking. They may have some guidance to help you, or they may be okay with you finding someone to marry. But do let them know.
Parents Find Someone (aka Arranged Marriage)
So there’s lots of strong opinions about this one, and I talk a bit about some of them in my post on arranged marriages.
Arranged marriage does not mean forced marriage and if that’s the understanding you have from personal experience, I’m here to tell you that it’s not true. No one can force you to marry anyone one. That is your basic Islamic right, granted to you by Allah, and so you should always be aware of that.
Arranged marriage simply means asking your family, friends, relatives,etc. to help you find a match. It does not mean that you are obligated to mary the match that is found for you, but it’s merely a way to introduce a guy and a girl for the explicit purpose of marriage. If you go this route, you may find that you already know the guy or have seen him before. Or it might be someone you’ve never met before, and will thus have to get to know before you make a decision.
Many people choose to ask their parents to help them find someone, but you can also ask friends or acquaintances or colleagues. There’s no shame in letting people around you know that you’re looking to get married and ask them if they know someone who would be a good fit. They might not know someone now, but by letting them know, they might meet someone down the road that they could recommend to you.
So you might already have someone in mind who you’ve already met and are interested in for the purpose of marriage. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to someone, and often times we’re told by our elders that this is wrong. It’s actually very natural.
As girls, many of us feel like we have to be approached by someone in order to find someone but that is not the case! We have our beloved Khadijah RA’s (may Allah be pleased with her) example in front of us; she was interested in the Prophet (peace be upon him) and sent a message to him. He responded and they got married. Through this example we can learn that there’s nothing shameful or wrong in letting someone know you’re interested in a respectful manner.
Who knows, maybe he had no idea you were ready for marriage and is interested too!
Patience and Prayer
Just because you’ve decided you want to get married doesn’t mean it’s going to happen right away. Finding someone to marry can sometimes take a few months of it can take years. You never know. So just be patient.
And while marriage is half our deen, it isn’t all of it, so keep doing what you love to do in the meantime. Don’t make it your whole life’s mission to get married; Allah has made us in pairs and he will bring your other half into your life when the time is right and not before. So just wait it out.
And while you’re waiting, pray. Many times we think we’re in complete control of our life, but we forget that not even a leaf drops without the will of Allah and so you won’t get married until Allah wills it. So ask Him for the best of partners and don’t despair when it doesn’t happen overnight.
Hope you found this post useful! Stay posted for more in the series, and if you have any ideas for future posts in this series or on any other, let me know here.
Keep smiling, beautiful girls!