Welcome to the third part in my Marriage Talk series! Don’t forget to read up on Part 1: Finding someone to marry and Part 2: Speaking with your suitor. Today’s topic is all about dealing with rejection.
If you are going the arranged marriage route, you will undoubtedly come across rejection. No one finds the person they want to marry in the first instance. You might reject some proposals that you don’t think are right for you, and others might reject you for that same reason.
No doubt rejection hurts. Regardless of whether it’s done after a picture is exchanged or after a conversation or even after both parties have said yes, rejection is painful. But it’s important not to take it personally.
Believe me, it’s easier said than done. The marriage process, regardless of whether you go the arrange route or otherwise, is an extremely personal one, and so it’s difficult not to feel insulted, hurt, and upset. The further along you go in the process and the smoother things seem to be going, only to suddenly stop, the more painful it is. And it’s okay to be upset. What’s not okay is to get hung up on it.
Don’t let this one setback affect you so deeply and don’t let it affect the way you think about yourself or your self-confidence. Again, it’s easier said than done when you don’t know the reason why you’ve been rejected and begin thinking about the things that the other person may not have liked about you. Dealing with rejections might make you feel horrible about yourself, and you may begin to doubt yourself and the things you said or did. At this point, it becomes easy to begin to pick yourself apart and start listing all your flaws, and begin to get hung up on them. It’s easy to do, but it’s hard to get out of, because one way of dealing with rejection is to blame ourselves. But we all need to stop. Take a break from the process, let off some stream by doing the things you love, like exercising, cooking, watching a movie, etc. Don’t blame yourself and just take it easy.
All of this may seem easy in the beginning, but the more nos you get, it becomes difficult to stay positive and not take every single one of them personally. Dealing with rejection at this point can be even more difficult, and your own self-esteem may plummet. But don’t dwell on the rejections.
Don’t think about all the proposals that didn’t say yes; all you need is one. Instead of thinking about all the reasons why the proposals didn’t work, take comfort in the fact that none of them were meant for you. For some reason, Allah did not intend any of those guys for you. No matter how much we may think that a guy was perfect or a particular proposal was perfect, there was a reason it wasn’t meant for you, and you might realise it many years down the road.
Allah has made us all in pairs, and so just remember that your pair is out there, somewhere in the world and Allah will bring him to you when the time is right. And not before.
So be patient and have faith.
Hope you found this useful.